May 25th
Today is a great day. I knew it waking up too. Not only have I decided that at this point for me Rubber Soul is the greatest Beatles album ever, but two things happened today. I was reminded of life before Bolivia (LBB) and it made me realize why I am so happy here.
One: Mom and Dad sent me some pictures I had taken last summer and fall of school friends and ropes course buddies in NY. I hung them on my wall and it was like I had forgotten everything I had been doing last year. Sad, but it made me happy to have a reminder and made me feel settled here in my room with pictures of my friends and of things past that were lovely. I realized I was busy and happy enough to be well involved in my work here, which is a really stupendous thing.
Two: After lunch today I helped with the bread. We make it once a week, enough to last the week. That’s a lot of bread, one roll per person twice a day. A lot of bread. Anyway, amidst the rolling, placing, transporting to the clay oven up the hill, quickly baking and testing the warm doughy goodness I somehow got to thinking about dance. And I decided I was quite lucky to be in this little valley as the sun was setting making bread and jokes with my friends and though I miss dance it just is a lot better this way. Plus I bought this felt bell shaped hat this weekend. It is so rad.
“ The future still looks good
And you’ve got time to rectify
all of the things you should
Do what you want to do
Go where your going to
Think for yourself ”
- Think for yourself, The Beatles, Rubber Soul
One problem with those lyrics is the word “should”. I don’t like it. I think that it has a negative connotation. Think about it, anytime you say “I should do this or that” “you should go here or there” it implies something that you don’t necessarily want to do but have to. The only time I can see the word doing any good is when you are working on something and out of confusion you use it. Example: this should work. But then again if it doesn’t work and you want it to that can be negative as well. So lately I have been trying to use the word less. Unfortunately it seems to be similar to when you learn a new word, it pops up everywhere. So now I think I am saying it more than I used to, I really should stop…haha see negative vibe, I know you felt it. Now what makes it negative? Seems to me this linguistic dilemma of mine stems from my recent adjustment to la hora Boliviana. Knowing that things will happen in good time and not worrying if they aren’t finished in time. In time for what? In what time? Is how the Bolivians live. Anyway I don’t limit myself and certainly don’t do anything I don’t want to. That is all. I still like the song.
I thought about “should” more. I guess it can be useful in some ways as a sort of motivator. Hmmm now I am torn.
Spotted: on a brisk fall morning, 7:30 am in the chapel. The Annunciation by Fra Angelico, tucked into a corner illuminating a small space with the glory of the angel Gabriel’s multi-colored wings.
June 1 2008
Don Hugo asked if I wanted to give art history classes! How awesome would that be little cultural sessions on Saturdays of course starting with the Venus of Willendorf all the way to what…anything I suppose, though I would probably load up on all my favorites! Not so sure it is something that would interest the gatos, but if I had enough pictures it may work. Really I just want to emulate Ms. Glynn, my high school humanities teacher who instilled the love for art in me. I remember her asking if we could own any piece of art what would it be. I said a Della Robbia blue ceramic piece from the Della Robbia factory in Florence. They made white ceramic busts and sculptures that had this deep blue background. No one could ever replicate the blue. They are gorgeous. I would still want that and a Matisse.
Made banana bread for mothers day somehow managed to feed 120 people that showed up
Danced barefoot circles in a maroon toga
Noticed excellent improvement in two bee hives
Started a community bank with the graduating class
Made pasta for the teachers who drenched it in ketchup and mustard
Managed the phone in site for a week, something I refuse to do again
7 layer dip with Helen for the potluck
Pancakes with syrup and jam
Chocolate with coffee
Sunday, June 1, 2008
pulling back the curtain
May 22 2008
Don Hugo of course has a burly semi cholita wife. Don Hugo is the administrator of the center. He is new, only has been working for about a year but a real whippersnapper of a guy. Mid sixties I would say, real skinny and well dressed. Today he was wearing a camel v neck sweater with a blue, gray and white plaid scarf tucked nicely into the front. His jeans are always clean and he always wears his hat, always. And he looks kind of like a cartoon character. Oh and he loves his pocket knife. Always finding reasons to use it and I think enjoying those moments quite simply. Sometimes he stresses me out, other times I am so glad we sit at the same table in the dinning room. Often I feel like everyday he has a new project for us to work on.
“Sabes que” (you know) he will say, “ a tourist agency contacted me we can work with them”
or, “ I talked to the mayors office they could buy part of our harvest for the meal programs in the schools”
“ oh and did you know that with the five rabbits we have now we could have fifty in six months,”
Of course I agree enthusiastically, really I am excited but then the list gets longer everyday and I don’t know where to start working. Good news is though that I finished the project proposal for the bees to be presented to the Foundation so we may get some funding sooner than I thought. Plus this means I already have a project written for when I can submit to Peace Corps! Yeah! And I am eating raspberry jam by the spoonful as I write because well it is raspberry jam and I don’t have any bread, am sick of moraditas which here is a whole sixth food group and I wanted something sweet after lunch, besides the chocolate milk. First glass of the day, sometimes it is only one, other days its three. Why is powdered milk so good, you tell me, I just couldn’t live without it. Couldn’t live without Don Hugo at my table either because without him awkward silence especially since the gatos changed seats so we have a new group. They don’t talk and when I ask questions always one worded answers even though outside the dining room we converse normally. I don’t get it. And Luisa she is great, really invested in her work, but she’s so funny she gives Guillermo her potatoes out of her soup everyday but then eats the ones in the second plate because she says they taste better??. I don’t get it they taste the same to me, like a potato. So Don Hugo’s wife is here for her first visit and she is exactly the impressive big personality one would expect to accompany such a strict determined guy. And she has pink crocs!
Saturday we get to march in a parade for the anniversary of Chuquisaca. Last night we spent an hour marching around the cancha (sports court) in the cold. I didn’t march I guess the teachers just walk behind the students. I have to buy a light pink dress shirt and black pants for the occasion. Odd choice of colors since the flag is red yellow and green. Speaking of colors the Bolivians are mad for red and navy blue. Like every other piece of clothing they have is one of those colors. One day Nabel wore a lime green shirt and it floored me. I kind of forgot about green. I love green. So I went out and bought a green paper lantern to hang over my bare light bulb. Miiiiistake. Once I finally found a ladder to reach my very high ceiling I was doused in a eerie hospital twilight zone glow. Awful. I think because the walls are so white the light just has nothing to blend with, its creepy I need to change it but the ladder was so scary I have to wait a few days.
When I first read my site description, I was so excited about being around high school kids, learning from them and being there in case they needed to talk. That’s what Pepe told me at first was that being so far from home they often need someone to talk to. Great sign me up.
So two things.
They have sought out my advice which is awesome and so soon. After a month I have people coming to my room after dinner to talk get help with homework etc.. Problem is that I just don’t have the words in Spanish yet. I keep giving the same advice over and over again because I don’t know how to say anything more in depth. Very frustrating. And the problems are so sad. Nothing kids this age need to deal with. It all leads back to money, money for tuition, money for their sick family members, money for the baby they just had etc.. breaks my heart cause I can’t give them money and then what I am doing seems rather trivial even though I know its not and really is better in the end but it is so hard to listen to their stories and to empathize and understand and not feel guilty. Especially since they are my friends and I would do anything for them.
Second problem.
They are high school students. I knew this but didn’t remember what that meant. The foundation works with university students studying psychology so twice a month they come for a few days to give presentations to the teachers and talk with and observe the kids. Last week we had presentations all about relationships and identity and all the awkwardness of adolescents I soo quickly forgot about even though it isn’t that far behind me. So then that led into thoughts and discussions about behavior and discipline. It seems like after every meal the principle has something to say to all or some of the students some punishment or lecture and so we sit on stools without backs for a half an hour sometimes listening, feeling worse and worse about our behavior. Thankfully the psychologists said this had to end because we were beginning to associate the end of a meal with a lecture and negative feelings. So that’s good, but things keep happening. Cell phones are stolen at least once a week. Why? There is no where to go, 60 people is not that big and someone is gonna get caught, where do they think they will hide it???
A couple weeks ago some kids stole vegetables from a neighbors garden. Turns out the neighbor is the one helping us build the canal we so desperately need for all of our dried up gardens, orchards and vineyards. So then the gatos had to pay, of course they couldn’t round up the 80 Bs so then they had to work, keeping them out of school, giving the school a bad reputation round the hood and the guy didn’t want to continue helping. Machetes are missing everyday after agriculture classes and are found under the pile of potatoes in the garage! I don’t know if they are bored or tired, definitely hunger is a reason for stealing veggies. I don’t want to think what it will be like once we have honey, pretty soon all the honey will be gone, nothing to sell nothing for the bees to eat. it’s a rough time. I don’t envy them and I am scrapping my brain for things to keep them busy. I really want to play sardines and kick the can but its sooo cold at night might have to wait.
Not all of what goes on round here, but a few examples. My mornings are still time for cleaning and working on my own things and the afternoons are Ag classes. Throughout the week I will stop in on Dona Marina and help with lunch or dinner. We gave our first bee class on Monday, simple theory stuff to start while we wait for materials to actually get the gatos working with the bees. I go to the morning prayer twice a week. Sundays and Wed. sometimes Friday for a whole mass when the priest comes. I have some favorite songs and on the days I don’t go I like laying in my bed listening to them sing. I have fire now so I planned 12 menus. 12 Wednesdays when I will invite a group of four to make our own dinner and get to know each other better. Quite amazed at how quickly the time is passing and love the days when I can sit in my balcony open all three sets of doors in my room and let the afternoon sun make it all nice and cozy for the cold nights. That’s when I read or write letters and watch the gatos go swimming, too cold for me still.
Weird how it feels like this is exactly where I want to be right now. Good. Though I think of NY all the time and Backus and summers on the porch in my house on Niles on the futon spending a whole day reading cause I know that’s what Nora does on the weekends and everyone is going up to the lake at some point and the summer movies and concerts in the parks are starting and central park picnics can’t be beat. But then again, I am going to Sucre soon and will explode with all the English words I have been wanting to say and eat brownies and Chinese food and maybe the SAS (grocery store) has brought back the Dr. Pepper or fountain Fanta and we can go see a movie and people will call me Lebo. I don’t mind Yvonne, just not used to it and well my attempts at changing it haven’t taken.
Don Hugo of course has a burly semi cholita wife. Don Hugo is the administrator of the center. He is new, only has been working for about a year but a real whippersnapper of a guy. Mid sixties I would say, real skinny and well dressed. Today he was wearing a camel v neck sweater with a blue, gray and white plaid scarf tucked nicely into the front. His jeans are always clean and he always wears his hat, always. And he looks kind of like a cartoon character. Oh and he loves his pocket knife. Always finding reasons to use it and I think enjoying those moments quite simply. Sometimes he stresses me out, other times I am so glad we sit at the same table in the dinning room. Often I feel like everyday he has a new project for us to work on.
“Sabes que” (you know) he will say, “ a tourist agency contacted me we can work with them”
or, “ I talked to the mayors office they could buy part of our harvest for the meal programs in the schools”
“ oh and did you know that with the five rabbits we have now we could have fifty in six months,”
Of course I agree enthusiastically, really I am excited but then the list gets longer everyday and I don’t know where to start working. Good news is though that I finished the project proposal for the bees to be presented to the Foundation so we may get some funding sooner than I thought. Plus this means I already have a project written for when I can submit to Peace Corps! Yeah! And I am eating raspberry jam by the spoonful as I write because well it is raspberry jam and I don’t have any bread, am sick of moraditas which here is a whole sixth food group and I wanted something sweet after lunch, besides the chocolate milk. First glass of the day, sometimes it is only one, other days its three. Why is powdered milk so good, you tell me, I just couldn’t live without it. Couldn’t live without Don Hugo at my table either because without him awkward silence especially since the gatos changed seats so we have a new group. They don’t talk and when I ask questions always one worded answers even though outside the dining room we converse normally. I don’t get it. And Luisa she is great, really invested in her work, but she’s so funny she gives Guillermo her potatoes out of her soup everyday but then eats the ones in the second plate because she says they taste better??. I don’t get it they taste the same to me, like a potato. So Don Hugo’s wife is here for her first visit and she is exactly the impressive big personality one would expect to accompany such a strict determined guy. And she has pink crocs!
Saturday we get to march in a parade for the anniversary of Chuquisaca. Last night we spent an hour marching around the cancha (sports court) in the cold. I didn’t march I guess the teachers just walk behind the students. I have to buy a light pink dress shirt and black pants for the occasion. Odd choice of colors since the flag is red yellow and green. Speaking of colors the Bolivians are mad for red and navy blue. Like every other piece of clothing they have is one of those colors. One day Nabel wore a lime green shirt and it floored me. I kind of forgot about green. I love green. So I went out and bought a green paper lantern to hang over my bare light bulb. Miiiiistake. Once I finally found a ladder to reach my very high ceiling I was doused in a eerie hospital twilight zone glow. Awful. I think because the walls are so white the light just has nothing to blend with, its creepy I need to change it but the ladder was so scary I have to wait a few days.
When I first read my site description, I was so excited about being around high school kids, learning from them and being there in case they needed to talk. That’s what Pepe told me at first was that being so far from home they often need someone to talk to. Great sign me up.
So two things.
They have sought out my advice which is awesome and so soon. After a month I have people coming to my room after dinner to talk get help with homework etc.. Problem is that I just don’t have the words in Spanish yet. I keep giving the same advice over and over again because I don’t know how to say anything more in depth. Very frustrating. And the problems are so sad. Nothing kids this age need to deal with. It all leads back to money, money for tuition, money for their sick family members, money for the baby they just had etc.. breaks my heart cause I can’t give them money and then what I am doing seems rather trivial even though I know its not and really is better in the end but it is so hard to listen to their stories and to empathize and understand and not feel guilty. Especially since they are my friends and I would do anything for them.
Second problem.
They are high school students. I knew this but didn’t remember what that meant. The foundation works with university students studying psychology so twice a month they come for a few days to give presentations to the teachers and talk with and observe the kids. Last week we had presentations all about relationships and identity and all the awkwardness of adolescents I soo quickly forgot about even though it isn’t that far behind me. So then that led into thoughts and discussions about behavior and discipline. It seems like after every meal the principle has something to say to all or some of the students some punishment or lecture and so we sit on stools without backs for a half an hour sometimes listening, feeling worse and worse about our behavior. Thankfully the psychologists said this had to end because we were beginning to associate the end of a meal with a lecture and negative feelings. So that’s good, but things keep happening. Cell phones are stolen at least once a week. Why? There is no where to go, 60 people is not that big and someone is gonna get caught, where do they think they will hide it???
A couple weeks ago some kids stole vegetables from a neighbors garden. Turns out the neighbor is the one helping us build the canal we so desperately need for all of our dried up gardens, orchards and vineyards. So then the gatos had to pay, of course they couldn’t round up the 80 Bs so then they had to work, keeping them out of school, giving the school a bad reputation round the hood and the guy didn’t want to continue helping. Machetes are missing everyday after agriculture classes and are found under the pile of potatoes in the garage! I don’t know if they are bored or tired, definitely hunger is a reason for stealing veggies. I don’t want to think what it will be like once we have honey, pretty soon all the honey will be gone, nothing to sell nothing for the bees to eat. it’s a rough time. I don’t envy them and I am scrapping my brain for things to keep them busy. I really want to play sardines and kick the can but its sooo cold at night might have to wait.
Not all of what goes on round here, but a few examples. My mornings are still time for cleaning and working on my own things and the afternoons are Ag classes. Throughout the week I will stop in on Dona Marina and help with lunch or dinner. We gave our first bee class on Monday, simple theory stuff to start while we wait for materials to actually get the gatos working with the bees. I go to the morning prayer twice a week. Sundays and Wed. sometimes Friday for a whole mass when the priest comes. I have some favorite songs and on the days I don’t go I like laying in my bed listening to them sing. I have fire now so I planned 12 menus. 12 Wednesdays when I will invite a group of four to make our own dinner and get to know each other better. Quite amazed at how quickly the time is passing and love the days when I can sit in my balcony open all three sets of doors in my room and let the afternoon sun make it all nice and cozy for the cold nights. That’s when I read or write letters and watch the gatos go swimming, too cold for me still.
Weird how it feels like this is exactly where I want to be right now. Good. Though I think of NY all the time and Backus and summers on the porch in my house on Niles on the futon spending a whole day reading cause I know that’s what Nora does on the weekends and everyone is going up to the lake at some point and the summer movies and concerts in the parks are starting and central park picnics can’t be beat. But then again, I am going to Sucre soon and will explode with all the English words I have been wanting to say and eat brownies and Chinese food and maybe the SAS (grocery store) has brought back the Dr. Pepper or fountain Fanta and we can go see a movie and people will call me Lebo. I don’t mind Yvonne, just not used to it and well my attempts at changing it haven’t taken.
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